Holy Week- A Recap, An Immersion in Specticle

Hi guys!
I have no idea if I've posted about this or not but I'm going to start with Palm Sunday and work my way through Easter.
I think in this last week I've come to fully understand how my background in theatrical studies in college and my experiences in the church are beginning to collide. At first I was wondering why it was that the Passion story was being read over and over again, but what I came to realize over the course of the week is that on different days, different elements of the story are brought to the forefront and are expounded upon. The specticle is what does it also, that focusing on a single moment in story is also shown through specticle.
It starts on Palm Sunday, we as the congregants get to participate in Jesus' coming to Jerusalem by the joyous singing and the waving of palm frawns. I got the opportunity to read during the service. I had a part in the story of the passion as well as reading the Old Testament and Epistle lessons.
The week continues with the service of Tenebrae. I didn't know what this service was all about so I looked it up on Wikipedia before I went. Sure, it's not a good source to use for a paper, but for general information I don't worry about it; if I want to learn more, I'll search some other places.
This service is once more a reading of the Passion story, but what happens this time is that as the piece of scripture is read, the reader snuffs out a candle. At the conclusion of all the readings, all of the candles are extinguished and the chapel is darkened. Then to increase the sense of disquiet, Rob-the priest, turned off most of the lights as he left the room, thus leaving us in almost darkness, and unlike most services I've been to, the congregation leaves in complete silence.
The service continues the next day with the last supper. Maundy thursday is when we get to participate in the great gift that Christ gave his disciples. He washed their feet and broke bread and drank wine with them. So in this service we are given the same opportunities. I've had my feet washed before- last spring at Vocare, but this time the opportunity was extended for us to share the experience with someone else, we had the opportunity to was their feet. I went up and Father Rob washed my feet, and at the conclusion I leaned forward and said that I would like the opportunity to do that for someone else. So he told me to switch places with him and he told me what to do and where things were located. I had the joy of getting to wash my friend Louise's feet. I was honored to get to do that for her. I looked up at her and noticed that she started to cry, but apparently, she wasn't the only one. Before I went up to get my feet washed, I asked my mom whether she wanted to go or not. She initally said no but apparently at the sight of my doing so for another person, she started to cry and she decided that she wanted to get her feet washed as well. After that was finished, we shared in the last supper by taking communion. Another poignient point of specticle comes after communion, at the end of the service there is the "stripping of the altar". I didn't know what this was going to be like and was shocked to see what happened next. The stripping of the altar is supposed to represent the stripping and beating of Jesus so to quote Rob, "It's not done with kid gloves." Rob and Pat- St. Matthew's candidate for the Diaconate did it. They took the candles off and abruptly handed them to a large group of people. Then Rob grabbed the fare linen and practically tore it from the table and tossed it to one of the folks in the group that are set to receive the things that came from the altar. At the conclusion, the altar is completely bare and the crosses that have had a red cloth or something on them are draped in a black veil. Needless to say I sat there with my mouth open in shock and tears running down my face. If Holy Week is full of symbols to help us better understand the reality of what happened, then that certainly did it for me.
The next day was Good Friday, the name is kind of ironic I think because on that day Christ was beaten, made to literally walk to his own death, willingly submit to what they were doing and suffered in agony while being hung by his hands and feet to slowly suffocate to death.
Early in the day, about noon, there is a service called the Solelm Collects. I wasn't able to go to that service, but I looked it up in the BCP that I've got on my ipod and listened to it. I will be honest I don't remember much of what it was about, to be honest, I think I was still in shock from what had happened the night before.
Later that evening we had the Stations of the Cross. I learned a lot that day, in the Catholic Church, they traditionally have 14 stations, with the last 5 being in one church in Jerusalem, the Church of the Holy Sepulcre (my spelling is bad I know). So at St. Matthew's we only had 8 Stations.
I had the opportunity during the stations to read one. It was another good example of Specticle, we literally carried the cross from one location to another, and this was a Big cross. I have no idea how big it actually was but it was big and looked heavy.
At the end of the service we all gathered around the altar and knelt before it. The altar was still bare and the cross was laid before it.
The next day was Saturday and there weren't any services going on here but I found myself thinking a lot that day about what Easter was going to be like and how it was going to be different.
Then there was Easter. I am ashamed to say that I did not make it to the Easter Services that day. I could not sleep to save my life and the longer I found myself awake, the more frustrated I became, and it was a viscious cycle of lack of sleep and frustration. I finally fell asleep at about 7 or so that morning. When I woke up, it was to a text message from Father Rob. He asked if I was ok and when I said I was he said that it was a shame to miss Easter. I was So frustrated with myself! I've worked so hard during Lent, trying new things, experiencing new things and working on my relationship with God. So to not be there on the day when the celebration is to be had, kind of leaves me feeling empty on the inside.

So Holy Week this year has been a very enriching experience. I've never experienced Holy Week before and I'm glad that I've had this experience, even if I didn't get to the last service.
So I get it, I understand how why Specticle is so important during Holy Week. It uses different techniques and different services to bring out specific things in order to impact the emotions of those who experience those things. I don't think my understanding of Easter is ever going to be the same again, and I'm glad.

Thanks guys for reading this and I hope that you all had a Happy Easter with your families.
PS: the Pictures are:
The candle is to represent the service of Tenabrae
The next picture is of the stations of the cross. In that picture I'm reading (bottom right hand corner of the picture)
The last picture is of the bare altar with the cross in front of it.

Nancy

SSJE Conversation #2 and this week

Hi guys,
So, I just hung up with Brothers Mark and Geoffrey from SSJE. Mark is the Interns Director whom I have spoken with before and Brother Geoffrey is a really nice person with a distinctive British accent.
That conversation was a lot of fun. Evidently I said a lot of things without realizing that I said them..? I have a tendency to do that I think...
We talked about some of the things that attracted me to the internship. Some of them are the structured way of living and the aspect of the entire community's purpose being the will of God and providing their guests the space they need to experience that for themselves as well as their ministry to the large number of young adults in the area. Another aspect that intrigues me is the opportunity to look past those pre-conceived notions about folks who go to Harvard and MIT etc., and be able to look past them and see who these people are as students.
We then went on to discuss what I thought my gifts and skills are. I know that I have this ability to get to know people on a deeper level than I initially intend, and it has been said to me that I have the gift of Evangelism. Frankly, in college it was inviting people to be open to the idea and also including that we had food. College students go for that, especially if its free.
I asked for clarification on how the interactions between the guests and the brothers differ from the relationship that the interns have with the brothers. Evidently, it's kind of obvious but for some reason I didn't really get it; the guests don't really have much to do with what's going on. They're there for quiet time and worship and potentially some spiritual direction whereas the interns are helping with the behind-the-scenes work. I've always enjoyed that aspect of things, it gives me a depth of understanding on how things work and for some reason it makes it that much more special.

The one thing I thought that would be the most difficult for me in-terms of the monastic way of living is all of the quiet time with nothing to do. Evidently as an intern, I won't have many times where there's absolutely nothing to do, but I gather there will be periods of silence.
I may be reading too much into this, but I think Br Geoffrey in-particular liked a lot of what I had to say.

Now onto the rest of my life, lol.
Needless to say, my Lenten experiment hasn't particularly failed but let's just say that I probably tried too much too soon, especially since I was doing it by myself and didn't really have any accountability. For some reason, I find I need that...

The one thing I was able to hold onto was that of Evening Prayer. Morning prayer on the other-hand... I completely messed up my sleeping schedule so I was Way off. So Morning Prayer practically has been non-existant for the last two or three weeks.
Because I had this phone call this morning, I was able to drag myself out of bed at 8. But I'm noticing that I'm getting sleepy...

So, this is Holy Week. If your FB friends of mine, you'll notice my profile picture. I like it. I'm looking forward to the Lenten services this week. I didn't really have the time the opportunity (or the ride) in college to go to these but this year that is different. I may not be able to go to all of them, but I'm going to go to as many as possible.

Something else going on this afternoon, I'm going to the doctor for my medical eval. It's this four or five page form from the diocese that I have to get filled out. Needless to say, I think I'm going to be at the doctor's office for a while and most likely come home being minus a few vials of blood.

So, that's it for now...
I'll keep you posted!
Nancy`

updates

Hi guys,
This is an update on Nana. Since Friday when I posted last, she had the surgery. It went well but a consequence of things has propelled the situation to a newer level.
When she went in on Thursday someone knicked something inside her urethra and she was bleeding. In heinsight that has been a blessing. On Monday, she was still bleeding so they did a CT scan and found something in her kidney.
They did another MRI and found that she has tumors inside her bladder as well as outside and also in one of her kidneys.
So tomorrow, they're going to remove what tumors they can and do a biopsey to see how aggressive they are. Because one of the tumors is in her bladder wall, they're going to have to remove one of her kidneys and her bladder, thus causing her to have to use a bag.
I spoke with her this evening after I foudn out from my dad and she said that if she's not going to have a good quality of life following the surgery they're scheduling for 4 to 6 weeks in Charlotte, she doesn't want to do it.
To be honest, I don't blame her for that.
I have never been one who believes that God would want this to happen to anyone and that his Will is being done in this situation. I can only console myself with the knowledge that God did not let this happen to her, it was merely the circumstances of life that have lead her to this point.
So I ask for many prayers for myself, my family and especially my Nana- Betty VanderBrink. It's interesting that her brother Dennis also had a tumor in his bladder that was removed.
I'll keep you posted on the surgery as well as the phone call with SSJE on Thursday.
Oh and I replied to the comment.
Love,
Nancy

4th Week in Lent: Phew...

Hi guys,

this is going to be a long one...

Ok, so first I'll start with my Lenten schedule. It's fluctuating... some days are great, some are not. I am going to get myself back on track but can only do it with your support, so whatever you can offer would be most appreciated.

All right, so last weekend I went up to Rock Hill last weekend. I went saturday afternoon and with 61 volunteers we fed 60,000 people. We did this because we made bags that can feed 6 people per bag. They had amounts of things that were put into this bag: a vitamin packet, beans, dried vegetables, and rice. Then the bags were weighed and to get the bags to the correct weight, rice was added or subtracted. Then following that the bags were sealed then boxed. Surprisingly, it only took us an hour and 45 minutes. It was a lot of fun!

That afternoon afterwards, I spent some time with MaryCat. She helped me with the paper for the discernment process and we just got a chance to have a face to face conversation. She suggested I re-write the paper and to be honest, I think this is the best version so far... if it's the last or not, we shall see.

I spoke with Rob Brown sunday afternoon about a suggestion that MaryCat offered up, the possibility that he could be my sponsoring priest but Our Saviour continue to be my sponsoring parish. The diocese for whatever reason wasn't a fan of that idea, oh well. So what they decided is that MaryCat is going to be my sponsoring priest. This puts a wrinkle in things because she was going to be my clergy reference, and sponsoring priest can't do that. So, if the diocese decides that I need another one, I'll most-likely ask Rob, but I'm not sure yet.

So, there's some details that need to be ironed out but I'm not going to worry about them for the time being.

A couple things in the last 24 hours have happened.
Last night, my Nana (my dad's mom) fell. She has a small break in her hip. She lives in Valdeese, NC. So my dad and I are going to travel up there in a little while.
An email that I got this morning has got me thinking. SSJE (the Society of St. John the Evangelist) sent me an email today letting me know that they're reviewing applications and to give them a time when I could speak with them. I said that I'm still interested, something I'm thinking about though... Once we get the paperwork sorted, I'm sending it to the Diocese. Should my meeting with the Bishop go well and he allows me to continue to the Bishop's Interview Discernment Committee, there's a meeting in June and October. From what I understand, the BID gives you some clergy mentors and you spend time with them doing things. My concern is that if I go to Cambridge then the BID won't be able to fulfill its duty and that will cause me to have to wait another year. MaryCat said that if all goes well, I could plan to appply for the 2012 academic year. So, I've said I'm still interested in the internship, but when it comes down to it that will be a conversation that needs to be seriously considered. That adds up to another one of my things to pray about.

See, I told you it was going to be a long one.
I pray for healing, guidance and peace.
Love to you all and I pray for a blessed Lent
Nancy