So, the question I came here with, was "am I truly called to be a priest, really?" In wrestling with that question, I've also been doing a lot of other things at the same time.
I acknowledged some of my greater fears in an honest, up-front way and found a freedom in doing so that make me wonder why I hadn't just come right out and said these things when I first got here.
I've also been learning to cultivate my relationship with God. That's a life-long thing but at least beginning to take some steps in finding how I connect with God has been a very helpful thing.
I've also lived a life that is almost counter-cultural. The things like prestigue, money, possessions- to find happiness are stripped away here, and you are faced with no other option but to wade into the waters of your soul and go fishing. You find some things along the way to work on, others to cultivate, and all the time realizing that this layer of 'stuff' is only accessible at this time in your life, as you age, and your circumstances in life change, this layer of 'stuff' will be different, and all we can do is learn, and pick ourselves up again when we fall, and trust that every time we fall, God is beside us, cheering us on, dusting us off, and helping us to stand- we neer do it alone.
So the two questions I've got before me now, are at least in my mind rather simple questions.
Am I called to be a priest now or later? and how best is that life of ministry going to be lived out for me, do I need a community to live my life out of, coming from a group of people who's reason for being is the lifting up of others in prayer and mutual support of each other, or can I find that community in another place, possibly with a group of people I live with or a spouse, or some other sort of community. I've already decided that the support of a community is something I need- the question remains what does that community look like!
So in a nutshell, that's what I've gotten out of this experience!
Yes, of course there's more than that, but at this point in time, that about articulates it for now, and I hope gives you all some idea of what I'm thinking.
A great picture, there are tulips in the guesthouse garden- I'm totally allergic to pollen btw, so now that Spring has arrived, I'm quite uncomfortable, but this picture is great, it shows the phases of a single plant all in one place, from a plant about to open, to one partially open but with no color, and to a pink one vibrantly alive and saying, ok here I am!
I'll update tomorrow with the differences I've noticed in the season of Eastertide here at SSJE.
Blessings to you all,
Nancy
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