'The Calling' Part 1

It was recommended to me to give this documentary a watch. It's about seven young people who are going to become religious leaders.
A couple things that struck me. I identified with the girl who was going to be a chaplain. I identified with her on the basis of her parents pressuring her about getting married and having kids and her father asking how she can talk about familial life while not having a family herself. Both of those topics I've heard from my parents. There are comments about whether or not their will ever be grandchildren. Personally, as of right now in my life, I don't feel that I'm supposed to be with someone. I really do feel like I'm supposed to be single, so hopefully the pressure will take a break, but they're my parents and they care, so we shall see on that.
Something that struck me was that in every situation for all of the folks that were shown tonight, it seemed as if they all were a leader of a group. Maybe it's my own fears or concerns of lack of knowledge, I don't really know. But for some reason, I feel like I'm still in a learning phase. Maybe I need to push my comfort limit of feeling more comfortable as an assistant right now rather than a leader. I don't really know for sure.
So, what did I get out of watching this first part? I guess it really isn't something I'm surprised by, to me it seems that being open but being active, however that works. I'm open to new ideas of trying things, and I do think I need to be challenged. Maybe it's spending time with youth. I don't really know why, but youth kind of make me nervous. I don't really know how to talk to them, which is kind of weird because it wasn't long ago that I used to be one.
So did I make any big 'aha' realizations? After having just watched this, nope. But being open, who knows, maybe tomorrow.
I've become comfortable with the idea that those sorts of things aren't always going to happen, but that doesn't mean that the Holy Spirit isn't working, it's that I'm just not aware of it right now.
That's the most important thing for me, this experience, the entire experience, DRYV, the parish discernment commottee, even me just being me, and living my life, it's more about being aware of the times when God could be working.
I've realized recently that I'm idealistic and naive, and that really irked me at first, how are people going to take me seriously, but then I thought about it, I'm only 24 (as so many people keep reminding me, lol) and I'm sort of expected to be a bit idealistic and that's ok.
Another thing I thought I had sort of gotten better at, but am finding I need to be reminded of, I am me, and if I am going to be true to myself and the things I hold to be true, I need to accept myself for who I am, change the things I can, accept the things I can't and learn the difference. I can't remember where that comes from at the moment, but for me I've found that to be very true.
I've rambled a lot, I'm going to have dinner with my Employment Consultant tomorrow, hopefully we'll talk about job stuff. I'll admit, I have a really hard time with the whole job thing, I really don't feel like I fit into the traditional job situation. What I mean by that, I'm not really sure. I think it's more about having someone to bounce ideas off of. I do kind of feel like being close to home is important right now. That may hurt me, and if I need to move, I'm going to have to come to terms with that.
We shall see what God holds in store. Part 2 of 'The Calling' is tomorrow @ 9 on PBS.
Peace,
Nancy