Hey guys,
So some of you are Facebook friends with me and I'm sure you've seen bits from me about Passports, etc. and are probably thinking to yourself, "huh?"
So, here's my answer - at least for right now at the moment anyway.
For a while now I've been pondering - seriously - how best to live out my call to the priesthood - by this 'call' I mean the one that we all have by virtue of our baptism.
In exploring that, I'm taking a look at women's religious orders because I'm very happy here at SSJE. To be fair, I'm not sure if it's Just because of the wonderful Brothers that are truly Brothers to me now, but I think that I've also come to love this life. To be fair, I'm not sure if it's just SSJE's particular incarnation of such, or life in general, so I'm going to check it out and see.
There's a community - SSJD in Canada - that the Brothers have a close relationship withand are suggesting I take a look at. I've contacted them, one of the Brothers is writing me a letter of recommendation so that they have some idea of what it's like living with Doc and I.
SSJD has a summer discernment program, month long, not sure when in June it starts, but goes until sometime in July. I'm not sure of dates because that page is down on their website right now but is being added to, so I'll have more concrete information later on.
So anyway, in the meantime, I contacted SSJD's Superior and told her my story and talked about what my needs are, visually, liturgically, etc. and that I'll be bringing Doc with me.
At this point the message I've gotten is they're waiting on the email from the SSJE Brother and they'll get back to me.
Some of you are probably saying to yourselves, "But didn't she Just do nine months of discernment in a religious community?"
Yes, I did, but this type of discernment is more specific, it has more of a particular 'goal' in mind. I say that word loosely because their are a lot of factors to keep in mind when discerning a call to anything, but with a religious community, as with the church, there is more than just my feelings to take into account. And with religious communities anyway, the only way to 'check this out' is to do just that, go have a look.
So I'm in the process of geting my Passport, SSJE's going to help me get to SSJD, so I don't have to worry about that, phew... Now I tentatively plan, wait, pray and keep an open mind.
I'm going to be having a conversation tomorrow that is going to, I'm assuming, present different directions to consider, and I promise that I will not say no off-hand. I'm going to keep my mouth shut, and listen to what they have to say.
I don't know where I'm headed, but this feels right.
I know a lot of people don't understand how religious life could be appealing, and they think that I should 'want more'. Frankly, I'm not sure what I want right now, I know that I have been very happy with my life here at SSJE and despite I'm not a morning person and 6am is Early, I'm going to miss being in church so much and praying with a community. I like the structure too, it just works for me, I can't explain it and I know that's not helpful, especially when people I care about and that care about me are trying desperately to understand, and care deeply for my happiness and well-being. I know there is also a fear from some that I would be 'wasting my life'.
I don't feel that way.
I don't know when I became such a metaphorical person, but I almost feel like all of these things I'm trying and thinking about are like using finer and finer grades of sand paper, to get the thing you are sanding to come out as it is intended to be. I feel like I'm still being shaped or 'formed' and all of these things are doing things, giving me ideas, things to think aboutso that I can become who I'm meant to be.
Being in my head is exhausting sometimes, there are so many voices from so many people, all out of care and concern, and there are my feelings and experiences, and there are different ideas and suggestions to consider.
When it comes right down to it, you do what Ignatius suggests, list the pros and cons.
I'm not there yet, at least I don't think so.
I honestly don't feel ready for the priesthood yet, and to be honest, a lot of the running-of-a-parish stuff that I see weary clergy talking about and dealing with makes it seem a bit more unappealing, but to be fair, I don't know a lot about that yet.
At this point, I think going to Canada is going to be helpful to making a decision, but after my conversation tomorrow, we shall see. I'm not going to make any hastey decisions.
So, yeah... I'm not sure how much sense this made, but there ya go! that's me!
Nancy
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Yay! This seems like a great move to me. :)
ReplyDelete